How to make Friends as an Introvert…
Some people know how to make friends without trying that hard. They make friends in line at the grocery store, or even at the dmv.
These people are called extroverts. They pretty much feel at home wherever they are.
Learning how to make friends as an introvert takes a little more work.
Making friends is not just about putting yourself out there and seeing what happens. Nor is it forcing yourself to interact with people when you feel uncomfortable.
In order to make friends as an introvert it is important to be strategic about how to put yourself out there and learn to be comfortable in social environments.
It is about changing the way you see yourself and learning to lighten up about the whole process.
As an introvert who loves travelling,I’ve had to learn to make friends out of necessity. This is because, while I am fairly shy and introverted, I also love being surrounded by close friends.
So if you are an introvert looking to make friends, here are some tips you might find helpful…
1. Be Strategic about Joining Groups
Although some friendships happen instantaneously, most develop with repeated exposure over time. This is why so many friendships develop in school or at the workplace.
If you are retired, unemployed, or work at home, it can be especially hard to meet friends.
Signing up for one-off workshops or groups that meet only once a month will most likely not lead to lasting friendships.
Joining a gym or frequenting a coffee bar regularlycould possibly lead to a friendship, but as an introvert, it is not highly likely.
It is important to find groups with similiar interest as you that meet at least once a week, and preferably even more.
Make sure you have a genuine Interest in the Group
If you are joining groups with the intention of meeting friends, it is important to choose groups with genuine similar interests, as this is the basis of friendships.
I met one of my closest friends at a tarot reading workshop in a city where I knew absolutely no-one.
There are plenty of groups out there if you look. There are book clubs, sewing groups etc.
It is even easier to find groups like this with modern technology. https://www.meetup.com/ is a popular website where people find other people with similar Interests.
If you are retired, unemployed, or work at home, a part time job could increase your odds of finding friendship.
It is very likely that you will eventually make friends working a job because of the regularity.
Obviously, not everyone is compatible as friends so working at a place with multiple employees increases your chances of meeting someone.
2. Use your Imagination
Imagination is an important component to making friends.
If you have been unsuccessfully trying to make friends for a while then most likely it is hard to imagine yourself not being alone.
Thoughts are powerful. Whatever you are thinking sends out a signal to those around you.
To make friends, it is important to use your imagination to your advantage
Some thought Experiments…
- Think of the times of day where you are most lonely? Where are you? What are you doing?
Now imagine yourself with a friend or friends during those times and conjure the opposite emotion
Do this often and see if you notice any difference in your day to day life.
2 . Think of everyone as a Friend
If you do not have friends it is easy to feel lonely and isolated in public. I remember I used to feel so envious of people that had friends.
To counteract this feeling, try playing a game where you imagine that the people around you are already your friends. This isn’t about making conversation or even engaging.
Practice feeling as if you are already surrounded by friends.
Not only will doing these exercises create a different energetic field around you. It will actually cause a change in your body language.
So much of communication happens outside of words. There is nothing at stake to try these exercises. You don’t even have to actually talk to people.
3. Think of Making Friends as a Game
Trying to make friends when you don’t have any can be depressing and demoralizing.
It starts to feel like an endless futile chore and it is easy to give up. This makes trying to interact with others even more anxiety producing.
So when someone says to simply engage in conversation, this isn’t easy as an introvert. It’s one of those easier said than done scenarios.
I remember hating it when people would tell me to “just talk to people.” When you are nervous and uncomfortable, that is a very hard thing to do.
People tend to clam up when they feel social anxiety. It is a natural reaction to feeling fear. Think about it. If you were being attacked by a Tiger, would you want to be making conversation or plotting a swift and quiet get away?
You can counteract this feeling by thinking of social interaction as a game without being attached to the results for a while.
Challenge yourself to go to a place you wouldn’t normally go…
For example, if you are use to reading or working at home, try going to a coffee shop instead. There doesn’t even have to be any pressure to force yourself to engage with people.
Simply putting yourself at ease in social situations will eventually lead to different, more natural interactions with others, and friendships will evolve over time.
Talk to someone and see what Happens
When you feel a little comfortable, then challenge yourself to talk to people without any expectations of “Results.”
This can be something as simple as commenting on someone’s outfit.
Doing this regularly can change your experience of social interactions from stressful to fun.
4. Work on your Self Esteem
Sometimes introverts can have low esteem.
I believe one of the reasons for this is that as children, introverts are often given less attention and validation, which can lead to feelings of low self worth.
Ask yourself if this is one of the reasons it is hard to make friends.
Do you believe you would be a good friend? Do you think you are worthy of having friends?
Thoughts are powerful. If you have low feelings of self worth and don’t believe you are worthy of having friends, you will literally broadcast that to the people around you.
Make a list of Qualities than Make you an Ideal Friend
This may sound silly but reminding yourself that you are a good potential friend is essential to finding friends.
You are constantly broadcasting thoughts about yourself into the world. If you don’t believe that you have something to give it will be very hard to find a friend. Or, even worse, you will attract people who only want to take advantage of you.
5. Don’t Give up on Making Friends
Oftentimes it only takes one friend and you have a whole friend group. No matter what situation you are in, there are other people out there looking and eventually you will find each other!
If you have just moved to a new city, there are other people that are in the same boat.
If you are retired and have lost friends to death, there are other people in the same boat.
If you feel isolated and have weird interests, there is someone else in the same boat.
Tell yourself on a daily basis that you will find friends eventually if you put in the effort!
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Need some Guidance in your journey….
I am a lifecoach specializing in happiness and life purpose.
Because I believe everyone’s needs and goals are different I offer as little or as many sessions as needed.
For a free 15 minute consultation e-mail me at aglassofcheri@gmail.com
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