This post contains affiliate links. Click here to view my full affiliate policy.
Being lonely is essentially a feeling of isolation from others. It is a horrible feeling that everyone has felt at one time or another.
As humans, we are meant to have close meaningful relationships. There have been numerous studies linking close relationships to health and longevity.
The healthiest societies are made up of people who have very close relationships. Older people are not separated from the rest of society.
Being lonely does not necessarily mean being alone.
It is possible to feel lonely even when surrounded by others. Conversely, some people spend a lot of time alone and do not feel lonely.
For some, feelings of loneliness come after a breakup or loss of someone close to them, such as a friend or family member.
I myself felt lonely for years. Even though I had friends, I never felt included or listened to and actually chose to spend most of my time by myself.
I identified as a loner for a long time until I finally met people that I had a real connection to.
Whatever the reason, being lonely sucks. People who are lonely can fall prey to scams, and often end up in abusive relationships.
Addiction is a very common way to deal with being lonely, whether it is drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, etc
While there is no magical pill to take away loneliness (at least long term), here are 8 practical tips to deal with it.
How to Deal with Being Lonely
1) Think of being Lonely as a Temporary Condition
Just because you are lonely now, doesn’t mean that it will always be the case.
Many people in happy and fulfilling relationships were lonely at some time in their lives.
If you keep telling yourself that you will always be lonely and never find fulfilling relationships, then it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You are literally broadcasting to the world that you are not worthy of love, and that will push away people from entering your life.
2) Join Groups that meet Regularly
Most close relationships are formed over time, with repeated exposure. For that reason, many friendships start in school or at work.
This is why it is very common for retired, unemployed, or people who work from home to be lonely.
The provincial advice to put yourself out there is not really that helpful. Sometimes being in public around strangers can actually enhance feelings of loneliness.
Even if you do not make friends, being around people who you are familiar with can help to deal with loneliness.
Getting a part time job or joining groups that meet up at least once a week can help deal with feelings of loneliness.
https://www.meetup.com/ is a popular website for people who are looking to meet with others.
3) Use your Imagination
If you feel lonely throughout the day, ask yourself what it would feel like to feel the opposite. What would your ideal day be like? Who would you be surrounded by?
Imagine yourself being surrounded by people you feel a genuine connection to.
Abraham Hicks describes this process as “ignoring reality,” where you deliberately ignore your condition and focus on how you would like your life to be.
I have always been a relationship person and felt very lonely after a particularly bad breakup.
I decided that instead of lamenting the loss of my relationships I would imagine that I had already found a new boyfriend.
I trusted that eventually the universe would deliver a “real one.”
Children intuitively know how to use their imaginations to deal with being lonely when they create imaginary friends.
This may seem like a silly exercise as an adult, but it can actually be quite effective in dealing with loneliness.
4) Meditation
Meditation is a great tool to deal with being lonely.
Learning how to meditate promotes well being and heightened states of mind as it puts the habitual thoughts to rest.
5) Talk to a Professional
Everyone needs a sounding board from time to time.
Often feelings of loneliness stem from childhood, and talking to a therapist can help alleviate those feelings.
If you were repeatedly ignored and left out as a child, you can carry that feeling into adulthood and attract toxic relationships later in life.
Loneliness is ultimately a feeling. Even if you have a loving partner and close relationships it is possible to feel lonely and left out.
People who spend a lot of time alone without feeling lonely, usually feel an innate feeling of connection with others.
Some people feel lonely but are able to make friends and get attention from others easily. The problem with this is that when people are not around, the feeling returns.
6) Look at your beliefs
Ask yourself honestly what you believe about yourself.
Do you believe you are worthy of love?
If we don’t question are beliefs then we are stuck with the ones we grew up with.
These are three common beliefs that produce feelings of loneliness and isolation….
- I’m not worthy/deserving of love
- No one cares about me
- I can’t have the things I want
Often people who don’t feel they deserve love become “overgivers” and attract people who are just using them.
Being around people who don’t care about your needs and are just using you for a sounding board or resources can produce feelings of intense loneliness.
7) Change you Dialogue
If you are feeling lonely, then most likely seeing people who are not alone makes the feeling worse.
When you see happy couples, remind yourself that they were once single. When you see friends having fun together, remind yourself that they might have once been lonely themselves.
Instead of lamenting that you are alone, say things like, “Someday I will have that as well.”
8) Focus on Self Care
If you are alone anyway, you might as well be nice to yourself. There is actually such a thing as having too many friends and social obligations.
Make a decision to take care of your body and your mind
- Meditate regularly
- Eat healthy and exercise
- Do hobbies/activities that you love
- Learn a new skill
It is obviously not easy to change habits right away, but just incorporating a little more self care each day will have an effect on your state of mind.
It is not a coincidence that so many people have found the loves of their lives when they weren’t looking, and just enjoying life.
If you are happy and living your best life you are more likely to find close, satisfying relationships with people who are also living the best lives.
I didn’t find my ideal partner until I decided to let go of ever finding someone and simply loving myself.
Like any human condition, being lonely does not have to be permanent.
Situations change, and sometimes just meeting one person can alleviate those feelings.
Whether you are isolated from others, or feel lonely from not having close connections with others, these tips can help you to move forwards and find the company you deserve.
Need some Guidance in your journey….
I am a lifecoach specializing in happiness and life purpose.
Because I believe everyone needs and goals are different I offer as little or as many sessions as needed.
For a free 15 minute consultation e-mail me at aglassofcheri@gmail.com
RELATED POSTS: