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Leaving a toxic relationship is hard. Healing from a toxic relationship can be equally as challenging.
Oftentimes people who leave toxic relationships without taking the time to heal end up returning to their abuser. And many people actually find another abusive relationship
If you have been in a toxic relationship in the past, here are some ways to start the healing process.
TIPS TO HEAL FROM A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
1) Honor your Feelings
If you have been in a toxic relationship it is easy to carry around a lot of pain. It is important to acknowledge your feelings and honor them.
There are many feelings associated with toxic relationships.
Beside being angry at your past partner, it is also normal to feel sorry for them. Many times people stay for a long time in a toxic relationship because they feel like they would be abandoning that person.
It is normal to feel both anger and compassion for a past partner.
Many people also feel a lot of guilt for having stayed for so long in an abusive relationship.
Acknowledge all the hurt that you are experiencing as a result of the relationships and soothe yourself like you would a child experiencing hurt.
This is sometimes called inner child work.
2) Write down what you want for the Future
Looking forward to a brighter future is one of the best ways to heal from a past abusive relationship.
It is easy to only focus on the past toxic relationships, mainly because they are so emotionally charged. But it is important to get a clear idea of what you’d like to experience in the future.
Being with a toxic person can actually help clarify the traits you want.
For instance if someone was constantly putting you down it can put a greater desire to be with someone who lifts you up.
List all the qualities you want in a person. Write down any future goals as well.
This can be hard at first, especially if you have only been with toxic people, but it can be done.
3) Cultivate Gratitude
There are many benefits of cultivating gratitude.
In order to cultivate feelings of gratitude, acknowledge all the good things in your life. Appreciate the friends that you have and the good things that are in your life.
A gratitude journal is a great tool for this.
Appreciate that you are no longer in a constant toxic environment where you need to walk on eggshells.
It is actually common for people to miss the person they were with and think about the good times (because even toxic relationships have good moments).
This is one of the reasons people often return to their abusers.
Acknowledge the good things in your current life. Appreciating the fact that you are freeof the abuse will help with the healing process.
It will also help you resist the urge to go back to the toxic relationship.
4) Have Faith
Have faith that your life will get better.
Many people have been in toxic relationships and went on to live satisfying lives.
It is important to not give up hope, even if you have never had a healthy relationship.
5) Self Care
Self care is extremely important to heal from a toxic relationship.
Oftentimes in toxic relationships you are forced to neglect your needs for your partner.
Besides practicing external self care such as exercising and eating healthy, internal self care is also important.
Meditation is a great way to practice self care. Setting aside a time of the day that is just for you is a way of saying that you are starting to make your needs a priority.
6) Develop a feeling of Worthiness
Often people who end up in toxic relationships learned at an early age to put other people’s needs above their own.
Many people who end up in toxic relationships are over-givers. They are taught that their own needs are not important and they are not worthy of receiving love from others.
Beside physically leaving an abusive relationship, this needs to be addressed.
If you leave a toxic person but still believe you are unworthy of love and your needs are not important, you are likely to attract another toxic person.
So take the time to acknowledge your own worthiness and work on cultivating self love.
7) Therapy
Many people have benefitted from having a therapist to talk through the many emotions that come about from being in a toxic relationship.
8) Don’t believe the Lies
When you leave a toxic relationship, it is important to also separate yourself from all the lies that you were told about yourself while in the relationship.
These are some common things victims are told…
- “You’ll never find someone else.”
- “No-one else will love you like I do.”
- “You ruined my life.”
- “If you leave you’ll come back.” etc etc…
Abusive people use lies and deprecation to keep someone under their control.
The lies are actually one of the reasons it is so hard to leave abusive relationships.
When you leave, it is important that you recognize the lies for what they are. Know that these things are not true.
Surround yourself with people who love you and lift you up and refuse to believe the lies you were told.
9) Break all ties
Any contact with a toxic person is dangerous if you leave.
For one, that person is most likely dangerous. Also, being around that person will ignite old emotional ties.
If you go back to a toxic person it will get worse. In fact many people have gotten murdered after returning.
If there are kids involved it is also a good idea to drop them off with someone else present.
10) Create new Habits
To truly move on and heal from a toxic relationship you have to decide that you are a different person than the one you were in the relationship.
You are no longer the person in the relationship, but the person who made the decision to leave.
The person you are now learned from the relationship. While being in a toxic relationship is painful there are lessons that can be learned from the experience.
For example, you now have a better idea of what you want and what red flags to look out for in the future.
By creating a new environment with new people and new habit, you are affirming you are not the same person you were before.
Some simple ways to make changes to your lifestyle:
- Learn a new skill
- Incorporate healthier activities into your lifestyle such as exercising and eating well.
- Change up your routine, even if it is in a small way, such as getting up a little earlier to meditate or write.
Leaving a toxic relationship takes a lot of courage but the battle does not end there. It is important to stay strong and practice self-love to resist returning to a bad situation.
And it is extremely important to not give up hope and believe a brighter future is possible.
Healing from a toxic relationship starts with an intention. It can take a lot of work, but with practice it can be done.
Need some Guidance in your journey….
I am a lifecoach specializing in happiness and life purpose.
Because I believe everyone needs and goals are different I offer as little or as many sessions as needed.
For a free 15 minute consultation e-mail me at aglassofcheri@gmail.com
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