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How to be Happy in an Unhappy Marriage
When you decide to commit yourself to another person you are doing so because at that moment in time you are happy with that person.
Unfortunately people and circumstances change. This is a part of life, and as a result many relationships do not remain blissful forever.
Sometimes the provincial advice to simply leave an unhappy marriage is not very helpful.
People stay in unhappy marriages for many reasons. Leaving a dissatisfying relationship is difficult, and leaving an abusive relationship is often even harder.
It is normal to try to fix unhappy marriages and spend a lot of time getting your partner to change, but sometimes people don’t want to change.
I spent years in an unhappy marriage
I stayed in an unhappy marriage for a long time because I could not get myself to leave.
I knew that there was no way I was going to get my partner to change. Eventually I gave up trying to leave and decided to be happy anyway.
Finding happiness in an unhappy marriage is not easy, but it is possible.
In this article I will offer 5 practical ways to not only survive, but to find happiness even when you are not happy with your partner.
1) Find ways to Separate yourself from your Relationship
There are many reasons for a marriage to be unhappy.
Your partner may have a drug or alcohol addiction. Maybe they are not contributing financially or helping out with chores or raising the children.
They may be having physical or emotional affairs with other people. Or in worst case scenarios, your partner is verbally or physically abusive .
Whatever the reasons, being in an unhappy relationship boils down to not being happy with your partner’s behavior.
If you have given up trying to change your partner’s behavior and decided to stay anyway, then you must learn to separate yourself from that person.
Here are some ways to detach…
Set Goals outside your Marriage
It is very hard to be happy when everything you do is entwined with another person that you are not happy with.
Set goals for yourself that do not involve your partner.
These do not have to have huge goals.
It can be something as simple as learning a new skill or joining a gym.
Make new Friends
It is never too late to make friends.
Happy marriage or not, it is important to have people you can engage with outside of your marriage.
So many people, especially people over thirty, seem to coop themselves up with one person.
This puts a lot of pressure on one person and makes it hard to feel happy if that person is being difficult.
2) Work on your Self-Esteem
When you are with someone a long time your self-esteem becomes wrapped up in that person’s opinion
Being in an unhappy marriage can diminish your self esteem.
A lot of unhappiness in marriages stems from feeling not good enough for your partner
Just because you stay with someone doesn’t mean you have to accept that what they say about you is true.
Simple Ways to Work on Self Esteem…
- Get a journal and make a list of your positive qualities. Refer to this often.
- Work on your inner dialogue. Notice what suggestions you are giving yourself throughout the day. Set the intention to be gentler to yourself.
- Therapy can sometimes help work through feelings of low esteem. You can find a list of online therapists here.
3) Focus on Self Care
When you are in an unhappy relationship it is easy to neglect yourself and turn to things such as alcohol, drugs, and junk food to ease the pain of it.
This provides short term relief, but it is really hard to be happy with a hangover.
It is also normal to give too much of yourself to try to fix an unhappy marriage. This only results in fatigue and health problems.
It creates a vicious cycle that makes it even harder to feel good.
Make your health and well-being a priority. It is very hard to be happy in any circumstances when your body is not being taken care of.
Start by working out at least once a week. If you don’t want to go to a gym, you can work out in the comfort of your own home.
Do something little, like adding a smoothie into your diet with a green supplement. You can always do more later!
Making little adjustments to your diet and routine can go a long way to make you feel happier outside of your relationship!
4) Look Forward
Relationships usually start out good, or they would not have turned into a relationship to begin with.
There is a honeymoon period and a history, so an unhappy marriage not only spoils the present, but the past as well.
It is easy to dwell on the past and feel bad about it. Instead, start to focus on a future that feels good.
Guided meditation is a great way to block out the present and put your mind on a happy future.
These meditations by Joe Dispenza are the best one I’ve found to envision a positive future with the relationship you want.
There are also many guided meditationson youtube. It’s worth checking them out and seeing if any of them work for you.
5) Conjure the Feeling of a Happy Relationship
Chances are, if you are in an unhappy marriage it is hard to imagine being in a happy one.
Abraham Hicks explains that every time you experience something in your relationship you don’t like you become more clear about what you do want to experience in your life.
Ask yourself how you would feel if the problems in your relationship were resolved.
How would you feel if you were in a good relationship?
When you think about it, the main reason anyone wants to have a happy marriage is to be happy.
Sometimes to feel happy you have to think outside of “what is.” It may be impossible to imagine being happy with the person you are with, but that doesn’t matter.
All that matters is being able to conjure the feeling. This usually doesn’t come easy at first but with practice it can be done.
6) Use Creative Visualization
Creative visualization involves putting images in your mind that represent the relationship you want. to have. It takes a lot of discipline to ignore the relationship you are in, but it can be done with practice.
Shakit Gawaiin explains this process in depth in her book Creative Visualization.
Much like the previous exercise, the important thing is that you feel the essence of the relationship you want in your mind, and it will eventually be drawn to you.
Being in an unhappy marriage is not easy.
I do believe that sometimes the best decision is to leave a marriage, especially if the relationship is abusive.
I also know that sometimes that is easier said than done, and I do not judge people for staying in unhappy marriages.
If you have decided to stay in an unhappy marriage for whatever reason, it is still possible to be happy. It just takes a little more effort!
Need some guidance in your journey….
I am a lifecoach specializing in happiness and life purpose.
Because I believe everyone needs and goals are different I offer as little or as many sessions as needed.
E-mail at aglassofcheri@gmail.com for a free 15 minute consultation.
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